Commandment I: Take The Oxygen First
Caregiving is an experience of confusion, challenge and mixed emotions. Love for your family member and the satisfaction you derive from helping may create a situation where one sacrifices their lives at the “alter of caregiving”. That sacrifice gives rise to conflicting emotions such as guilt, stress, anxiety and a host of other mental health challenges. It is imperative as a caregiver to take care of one’s own mind, body and soul by taking the oxygen first.
Commandment II: Never Assume
Caregivers are no different than others in that we tend to make assumptions about other people and situations before actually having gathered all of the needed information. Let’s make a sincere effort to garner all the details before we make assumptions.
Commandment III: Have Ongoing Family Conferences
Roles and responsibilities are extremely important to explain to all involved. Ongoing family conferences maintain the boundaries necessary to the caregiving process so that no one feels out of control or inadequate. This is vital and should be done in person and as frequently as needed.
Commandment IV: Do Not Isolate
Social isolation can detach and separate a caregiver and give rise to a wide variety of stresses for those taking care of loved one. Participating in a support group helps caregivers manage stress by sharing their experiences and helping to improve caregiver skills.
Commandment V: Do Not Take Anything Personally
Taking things personally is about self-importance, “the maximum expression of selfishness” where we assume everything is about “me”. The actual words said by your loved one are not what is hurting you; it is that you have wounds that are touched by what was said.
Commandment VI: Plan Ahead/Have Contigency Plans
No doubt if you are a caregiver Plan A needs to be made out but has to be followed by Plan B, a contingency plan. Turn to other people for help- your family,friends and neighbors. Planning ahead is vital as it gets all on the same page, allows your loved one to feel safe and to have continuity, lessening their anxiety.
Commandment VII: Do Not Fall Prey To Shame & Stigma
Shame and stigma have tragic consequences. Caregivers with mental health challenges fail to seek help for themselves because of the shame associated with their condition. As a result of this feeling many think they will experience some form of discrimination, whether in the workplace, from health insurance plans or in social settings. They must get help for their behavioral issues in the same manner they would get help for any other medical condition. Matters get worse if the caregiver represses their own mental health issues and keeps it hidden.
Commandment VIII: Use Community Resources
A full complement of support services that address the caregiver and the recently diagnosed exists in every community. The quality and the extent of such a continuum of resources may vary but just know that neither a caregiver nor their loved one has to be alone.
Commandment IX: Honor Sacred Memories
Empower yourself and your family using experiential approaches to memories. Take time to “remember”. Get away from it all while relaxing with yourself and your loved ones.
Commandment X: Find Humor In Many Places
“Laughter is the Best Medicine” Try to see the humor in being a caregiver. There are positive effects to be gained from laughter as a great tension-releaser, pain reducer, breathing improver and general elevator of moods. In short, humor therapy is valuable and it helps us through difficult or stressful times.
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